www.albiestales.co.uk part two

ALBIE’S PARENTS WERE FAR FROM HAPPY at the news of his recent failure in the examination room and issued their final ultimatum: retake the exam and pass – or else! It was to be the turning point for Albie, in more ways than one, as Fate, in all its many guises, played a bittersweet hand and took control of his destiny.

“IT’S A GREAT SHAME,” said Mr Spencer, the Principal of the Norwich School of Art, summoning Albie to his office on the first day of the autumn term in September 1959, “that you didn’t work harder when you had the chance!”

Closing the office door behind him, Albie sat down in a chair facing Noel Spencer and nodded in agreement. “Yes, Mr Spencer,” he said, morosely resting his head in his hands, “you’re quite right, of course, an’ I’m so sorry, but, am I allowed to retake the Intermediate Exam?”

Mr Spencer sat there for a moment, as if deep in thought, then lit up his pipe. “Well, yes, you will be able to retake the exam – but not until the summer term next year, of course!”

The thought of having to wait until next year made Albie all the more despondent – but, worse was to follow. “You’ll have to stay down a year,” continued Mr Spencer, amidst clouds of pipe smoke, “and join the new second year students!”

“But – surely not?” replied Albie, getting more and more upset at the thought of being parted from his friends. “Do I have to? After all, I shan’t know anyone.”

With a wave of his hand, the Principal dismissed Albie with the parting words: “That’s it, Albie, that’s my final word on the matter – take it, or leave it. This is your last chance and, Heaven knows, you’ve had more than enough already!”

For Albie there was but little choice, so, reluctantly, he accepted and dragged himself along to the Graphic Design room to join the art students from a lower year.

ALBIE MEETS AN OLD FRIEND!

“Hello, Albie,” said Geoffrey, smiling all over his face, “I’m wholly glad to see you, for one moment I thought I was the only one who’d failed that blessèd exam!”

“I’m really surprised to see you here,” Albie replied, in astonishment at finding his friend there as well, “I thought you’d passed the exam?”

“No such luck,” laughed Geoffrey, “I think my life studies let me down…”

“You let yourself down, Geoffrey,” said Mr Wales, the Graphic Design tutor, listening in on their conversation and trying to restore law and order, “and now, if you’ve all quite finished…”

“Dahh, cob on,” Albie muttered under his breath, silently imitating the design tutor. “Settle dowd, Geoffrey...”

“And that means you, too, Dalbie!” shouted Mr Wales, far from being amused. “Let’s make a start with… printmaking, shall we?”

Printmaking had always been Albie’s weak point and, to a certain extent, was the subject most responsible for his downfall in the previous Intermediate Examination.

“Definitely not one of your strong points, is it, Dalbie?” Mr Wales commented, turning his attention to the lad, much to the amusement of all the other art students who, being new to the graphic design course, had yet to discover the intricacies of printing from a piece of linoleum or a block of wood.

“I reckon I made a mistake choosin’ to do a lino cut for the exam,” Albie said thoughtfully, remembering the constraints imposed upon him by the time-limit in the examination. “I’m gonna concentrate on wood engravin’ from now on…”

“I thought you said that was bland an’ boring?” chipped in his friend, Geoffrey.“Well, maybe I did,” replied Albie, rather haughtily, “but I’ve made up my mind to work really hard to pass that dratted exam… an’, if I hatta be a wood-engraver, so be it!”

“Dahh, cob on, you two,” said Mr Wales, handing out squares of linoleum to the other art students, “when you’ve quite finished we’ll begin.”

“Make mine a wood engraving, please,” said Albie, “I’d rather try me hand at that instead!”

A TELEVISION APPEARANCE

A few weeks later, towards the end of October 1959, Noel Spencer, the Principal of the Norwich School of Art, received and unusual request from Anglia Television, which was about to take to the air for the first time.

“Anglia Television has just telephoned me,” he told the students in the Graphic Design room, “requesting a number of ‘extras’ to make up the audience for The Midday Show – if any of you are interested!”

“I’ll say,” replied Albie, brimming over with enthusiasm, “what about you Geoff?”

His friend was equally eager to go: “Who knows?” he said, “we might even appear on television!”

So, a couple of days later, Albie and Geoffrey – together with Nipper from Aldborough and many other students from the Norwich School of Art – went along to Anglia House to join the audience of The Midday Show, which went out live, Monday to Wednesday, around noon.

Arriving at the magnificent building, once the main Post Office at the top of Prince of Wales’ Road, the art students patiently waited in the foyer next to the silver knight on horseback that was part of the television company’s corporate identity.

“If you’d care to follow me,” said a charming young lady, headphones draped around her neck and holding a clipboard in her well-manicured hands. “And please do remember to be silent at all times when we’re on air… except when you’re told to laugh, that is!”

“Must be a boring old show,” Albie muttered to Geoff, as the art students made their way along a narrow corridor,“if we hatta be told when to laugh!”

They were ushered into Studio A, full of lights and television cameras, with wires snaking across the floor in all directions, and, together with the other students, Albie, Geoffrey and Nipper sat on the front row, whilst other members of the audience, made up from people from all over Norfolk, filled the rows behind them.

Before the show began, June, the Director, began briefing the audience on what was expected of them and when to laugh or applaud!

“Here, at Anglia, we use ‘cue’ cards,” she said, holding up a white board with the word ‘APPLAUD’ printed on it in large black letters.

“When Sally, my assistant, holds this card up, you will clap,” she continued, then, holding up another with ‘LAUGH’ on it,“when she holds this card up – you will laugh!”

At Anglia Television nothing was left to chance, it seemed.

Then, after much checking of watches, the Director’s assistant in the Control Gallery began a countdown. “Five, four, three, two, one, and… Action!”

With a tuneful medley played by Peter Fenn and The Fentones The Midday Show went on air, with Albie, and the other students in the audience, thrilled by the sheer excitement and sparkle of a real live TV show.

As the music faded out, the Presenter, in a smart navy-blue blazer and cravat, stepped up to the microphone: “Welcome viewers, to today’s edition of The Midday Show coming to you live from the studios of Anglia Television, in front of a live studio audience...”

With this a television camera began panning across the audience, who, with eyes turned upwards, were glancing at the overhead television monitors in the hope of recognizing themselves.

“... and I’m Philip Bray – your Host for today’s show,” the Presenter continued.

Sally, the Director’s assistant, then held aloft a large cue card and the studio audience put their hands together and clapped for all they were worth!

“Will you please give a warm Norfolk welcome...” said Philip Bray, holding up his hand to silence the tumultuous acclaim, “...to this young man from Australia. [More applause!] He’s come a long way to be with us today and I’m sure he’ll go a lot further – Frank Ifield!”

“Definitely not my cup of tea,” Albie whispered to Geoffrey, as the yodeler from Oz began crooning Waltzing Matilda. His friend had to agree, and Nipper wasn’t over impressed either.

“I reckon his trousers are too tight,” he laughed quietly, “like Hunston Pier – no ballroom!”

The next act featured a very young-looking, demure Susan Hampshire, who enthralled the audience with her dancing as she pirouetted around the studio, to the music from Peter Fenn and his band. Albie was amazed how she managed to avoid bumping into the cameras, as she twirled around the studio floor!

The audience applauded, they laughed, they cheered – in fact, they did everything as instructed by the cue cards held aloft by the Director’s assistant.

Half way through the programme, Philip Bray, unclipped the microphone from its stand and began moving amongst the audience.

“And now, viewers,” he announced, turning to the nearest camera, “we come to the Lunchtime Quiz, where one lucky person in the audience will stand a chance of winning today’s Star Prize!”

With that, the television cameras began searching amongst the audience for a likely victim, whilst they, waiting with bated breath, observed the progress on the overhead television screens.

At one point, a picture of Nipper appeared, high overhead, on a monitor. “Cor, look at that,” Albie said excitedly, turning to his friend, “you’re on telly!”

“I hope they dun’t pick me,” replied Nipper nervously, leaning across to Albie. “I en’t no good at quizzes, I en’t!”

ALBIE’S SECRET ADMIRER

Sitting next to Albie, on his left, was one of the new graphic design students – a young lady – and, as the camera continued panning the audience it stopped, just for a second – on the Sheringham lad himself!

This prompted the young lady to give Albie a nudge of recognition, followed by a smile and, moving a little closer to him, she placed her hand on his and gave it a little squeeze!

Flushed with embarrassment, Albie glanced coldly in her direction in the hope that his look of disdain would put an end to her antics, but how wrong he was to be – as she’d taken a bit of a liking to the lad!

Albie breathed a sigh of relief, as she quickly released her grip on his hand, and he went back to watching the overhead monitors as the cameras continued scouring the audience. Suddenly, the face of a fellow art student, young Johnny from Cromer, appeared on the overhead screens, and, before he had the chance to refuse, the tousle-haired lad was whisked away by Susan Hampshire to join Philip Bray in front of the cameras.

“What’s your name, and where do you come from?” the Presenter asked him.

“Johnny – man,” the art student replied, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “An’ I come from Cromer – man.”

“Well, Johnny Man,” laughed Philip, putting an arm around the lad’s shoulder. “How would you like to take part in the Lunchtime Quiz?”

“Yeah, tha’s cool – man.” Johnny replied, waving to his mates in the audience. “Bring it on – man!”

Philip Bray then explained the rules to Johnny in great detail. There were to be three questions; with each winning a prize, but for the Star Prize, whatever it was, he would have to get all three right.

The first two questions were quite easy, Albie thought – as, even he knew the answers, and that was saying something!

“Well, Johnny,” announced the Presenter, “you’ve already won two prizes – a ball-point pen, and a signed photograph of Susan Hampshire – but will you go on for the Star Prize?”

“Sure – man,” he replied, nodding his head in agreement, “that’ll be brill!”

Reaching into his inside pocket, Philip Bray produced an envelope and, accompanied by a roll of drums from the band, he deftly ripped it open and took out a piece of paper.

“Now – Johnny from Cromer,” he asked the art student, “to win today’s Star Prize... you have sixty seconds to tell me... who invented the television?”

With a look of puzzlement, the young art student began scratching his head. “Cor, tha’s a hard un, that is!”

“Take your time now,” continued the Presenter, “you have thirty seconds left...”

“Someone with a beard – man,” joked Johnny, being a real live wire and well known for his dry sense of humour. “I can see him in me mind’s eye – you know... whassisname?”

Philip Bray, began fidgeting impatiently with his microphone, as the commercial break was but a few minutes away. “I must hurry you for an answer, Johnny!” he said.

“John Logie Baird,” shouted the art student from Cromer and, knowing he was right, began looking forward to his prize, whatever it was.

“Johnny,” declared the Presenter, “you are... today’s lucky winner of The Midday Show Star Prize.”

Then Sally, the Director’s assistant, held up the ‘APPLAUD’ cue card – turning it so everyone in the audience could see, and they, being mainly students from the Norwich School of Art, went wild – applauding, whistling and catcalling their hero from Cromer!

“Before we reveal today’s Star Prize,” announced Philip Bray, as the applause died down, “we’ll take a commercial break – don’t go away folks!”

JOHNNY GETS HIS STAR PRIZE

Following the three-minute commercial break, with such adverts as ‘You’re never alone with a Strand’, ‘The Milky Bar Kid’ and one for ‘Surprise Peas’ – which Albie always reckoned ended up with ‘chapped legs’ – it was time for the final part of The Midday Show and for the Star Prize to be revealed!

“Johnny,” said Philip Bray, in a very dramatic sort of way, “it’s now time for me to reveal your Star Prize...”

Whatever could it be, the lad from Cromer wondered? On previous quiz shows, he’d seen a hostess trolley given away, but that would have been of no use to him; or, possibly, a week for two at Hemsby – there again, unacceptable for the lad from Cromer, the Gem of the Norfolk Coast! Whatever it was, Johnny hoped it would be a good prize, something useful perhaps, like a box of paints or pastels. But he didn’t have too long to wait!

“And your Star Prize,” declared Philip Bray, Presenter of The Midday Show, “is to sing a song of your choice with the delectable, the delightful, the delicious – Susan Hampshire!”

The studio was filled with rapturous applause, plus a few sniggers from the art students in-the-know who’d heard Johnny’s attempts at singing, usually after a pint of mild in the Red Lion in St George’s Street!

Joining Peter Fenn and his band, Johnny and Susan began poring over a pile of sheet music to select a song of his choice and, after a couple of minutes of deliberation, The Fentones struck up with the opening bars from Jeepers Creepers, and Susan Hampshire began to warble:

“Jeepers creepers,
Where ’ya get those peepers?
Jeepers creepers,
Where ’ya get those eyes?”

All this time Johnny just stood there, gazing blankly at the audience, clicking his fingers and humming, mournfully, along to the music – the song of his choice – or was it?

On the way back to the Art School, Albie asked Johnny why he had given such a dismal performance, which had proved a great source of amusement and hilarity amongst the art students – even without the necessary cue card!

“Well, Albie – man, I hatta be honest,” the lad from Cromer admitted, “I din’t hev a blimmin’ clue what that there song wuz – I’d never ever heard it afore!”

“But, you picked the song, din’t you?” Albie sarcastically reminded the lad from Cromer.

“That I may a done,” replied Johnny, “but, you en’t never gonna believe this, man – all the sheet music was for the same song!”

The television people had certainly left nothing to chance, it seemed.

As the art students made their way down St Andrew’s Hill, towards the Art School, there was one amongst them who, when it came to Albie, was certainly not about to leave anything to chance...

NEXT: Albie’s ‘secret’ admirer plays her hand, but will it be the start of a fine romance?

SOME OF ALBIE’S FAVOURITE WEBSITES A Norfolk Entertainer A Moment in Time Enjoy North Norfolk Enjoy Norwich Flint Holiday Cottages Norfolk Churches Norfolk Dialect Norfolk Village Signs Norwich City Hall and the Lions Picture Norfolk Remember Norfolk Sculthorpe Spyplanes

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